John Swallows My BLOG

So I got a raise today. Of course, I have no idea how much it is. Apparently I will "learn the details later." Really doesn't matter, though. Unless it's like double my current salary, the May deadline for me to find a better job or ditch Richmond will remain in effect. My New Years Resolution to stop biting my nails has surprising been going well. I mean, most people would still throw up a little in their mouths if they saw my nails right now, but they are in fact growing. Only problem is I always need to be chewing on something, so I've gone through about 20 pen caps and five packs of gum over the last week. I seriously can't chew a piece of gum for more than three minutes without immediately feeling the need to throw it out and chew a new one. I put a piece of gum on my pen cap today. It was a neat combination of really disgusting habits.
I am so sick of these school board meetings I have to cover each month. The first hour is a just a clapfest as every fuckin person in the room receives some type of award and everyone's all happy and yay yay. Sure, sometimes people do great things and deserve recognition but do we really need to give the little first grader who started the pledge of allegiance a standing ovation? I think next month I'm going to stand up and say "Hey everyone, I wiped my ass this morning." I'd probably get a nice trophy or something.
I've been physically unable to write stories this week. I have all the info in front of me, but I can't start the damn thing. I think I'm just so disenchanted with the job and the morons I work for, my body is revolting against me. Today I managed to write a paragraph, but then I fooled around on the facebook. What I was doing on there (looking for hot single dudes, obviously) should have only taken five minutes, but with the computer crashing every five minutes, I managed to kill an hour.
The Colbert Report is really starting to annoy me. Whenever I see him on that promo where he pretends to chug a beer, it hurts me deep down inside. The whole shtick got old in about a week. He runs out and jerks off when he has guests. It's just not funny. They should really just extend the Daily Show to an hour. But even Jon Stewart, who is obviously the man, has become too-righteous recently. It's like, we get it, great, you hate Bush with a passion, but sometimes he doesn't even attempt to be funny. He just tears Bush apart. There's plenty of people out there who do that everyday, but when I watch the Daily Show, I want fuckin' funny, not just angry at the world so I'm going to rant for 10 minutes. But alas, it's still the only show that I watch every night.
Has there been a winter this year? I'm pretty sure we're all going to die from global warming in about three years. I think it's snowed once so far and it's supposed to hit 70 on Thursday. Either God thinks this is all a fun game or we're all fucked.
These mid-week blogs are difficult. Will someone please join a bowling league with me so I have something worthwhile to do during the week? I have my own ball, damn it! Sure it's covered in anti-freeze and motor oil in my truck, but I could buff that shit and be ready to dominate. Tennis and bowling. Man, I love those no contact sports. You know why? Because I'm a PUSSY.
Wow, this blog is going to hell, I better go watch Conan before I do this. 8===D