Pig Roast #6- 6 times the gayness

First up, let's thank Dan for his recent role as a guest blogger. I give him a B+ for the effort. The lies about me engaging in illegal activity, though, namely the man meat, knocked him down just a notch.
Yeah, can't go wrong with a photo of my dad molesting himself. Although, I will give him this one was taking at 2:30 am on New Years Day last year, so he might not have known he was being gross since he had just drank a gallon of beer and tried to feel up my friends.
Preston showed up on Thursday night and it was cheap pitcher night at Curbside. So we drank those, John made us come home at 11 so he could put on his vaginal cream, but Preston and I "found" a dozen more beers in my refrigerator and we indulged a bit more while watching some classic madness.
I actually went to work on Friday and it was brutal. I went to a high school reunion for the Class of Fuckin 1944. These people were older than Rob Becker and that's pretty damn old. I'm surprised they didn't have medical staff at the reunion, they all looked like should have long ago been in for their dirt nap. But anyway, I wanted to kill myself the entire time. They went around the room talking about they worked 20 years ago and then their wife/husband died and they have 70 diseases and blah fucking kill me now. I have no idea how I'm going to make a story out of that garbage, my notes look like I sat down and interviewed a bunch of drunken retards.
Took it easy on Friday night and surfed the net for some hot lesbian porn. Am I joking? Maybe. If I had gone out, there would have been no chance of me waking up at 9 am on Saturday, which I did manage to do. It hurt and I felt sick. Then I took some shots. Things got better from there, then worse, then better for a little while more, and then it was all over. That about sums up the day. For those not associated with UR, Saturday was Pig Roast, the hands down best day of the year on campus. It's a very simple concept really: You drink all day. All of the fraternities on campus are open house and they have food and whores and all that good stuff. I was thinking of taking photos, but quickly realized they would all be terrible and really, it was my 6th straight Pig Roast appearance, probably a few too many and just asking for a disaster. And it was indeed. Once Preston got here at 10 am, we began the longest day of our lives. I drank a red bull which caused a minor heart attack, but it was worth it. Once we got to campus, after we tricked Bender into coming to pick us up, we were at the apts for a while. The dean came over and talked to me for a few minutes, thank god it was early in the day. If I saw that guy at 3 pm, I may have urinated on him.
After the frats closed, I went to my brother's room, where he was passed out so I had the RA open his door. Then I won $30 playing party poker and I blew that on a line of coke later on. Now that is a lie. Anyway, John's roommate ordered a pizza, then preceded to blackout. Had to wake him up when pizza got there cause he said he'd pay cash, but once he got the pizza up to the room a half hour later, he ate a slice and then continued to be blacked out. So I took my pants off and ate the pizza. It was a good deal.
Oh, then Dan came and we went to the Ted Leo concert. I use the term "we" lightly because I don't think Preston and I were there for more than 3 mins. All the loud music was hurting my head so we went back to the apts and drank more. We got home eventually and went to curbside and drank more.
Alright, why am I even writing about this? We fuckin drank all day, alright? Fuck. We're not cool. We're old. We graduated two years ago, but we fuckin came back and drank all day? Alright? Alright.
So my editor actually kind of yelled at me the other day, which is weird, since it's usually me yelling at him for being such a moron. I got to work Thursday at 10, it's the one day I'm in before noon cause the paper publishes then and I come in to make final edits. So I asked him where a particular page was for me to look at around 10: 30 and he goes, in his fat nasally annoying voice, "Because we're supposed to have everything done at 10." I just said, alright I really don't care. I used to come in at 9 on Thursdays but then Id just sit there for an hour while he edited things on his comp with his fat fingers, which cause problems. I'll accidentally write something like "school" as "schooll" and I'll tell him to fix it. The corrected version inevitibly comes out "sghfkfdlolballsoofl" Seriously, my boss is a huge dumb child. So yeah, not really excited. Boss gets angry, I walk away, end of story.
Ah fuck, Daily Show is coming on. One of the few moments of the day I actually look forward to. That, and when I wake up in the morning with a huge throbbing toothache.