Stephen Colbert has balls and they are freakin' huge.

Sean, Bobby and Nikki were down for the weekend and as is usually the case, the gayness was on full display and Nikki continued to question why she is still friends with a bunch of idiots. On Friday, played poker, during which time I drank many shots of vodka, leading to the inevitable not leaving the apartment. Oops. Did manage to make it out on Saturday, though, and any night that ends with Chanellos is a solid one in my book. Whenever my friends are here, I always feel better about my life, in the sense that I am forced to wake up and do things. Then I think, wow, this isn't all the bad, this whole being an active member of society, maybe I'll make an effort to keep this up. Sure, I went to work for 3 hours today and now I'm ready to take a nap. I need a life coach.
I can't remember the last time I felt so uncomfortable and at the same time incredibly amused as when I watched Stephen Colbert's performance at the Washington Correspondents Dinner the other day. Bush was literally five feet away and Colbert ripped him into shreds. Now I've never found Colbert to be all that funny, he's a pube on Jon Stewart's comedic ball sack, and I didn't laugh at many of jokes he made at the dinner. It was the venue, a bunch of uptight pretentious press people and the President all getting plugged in the anus by the doofy looking Colbert, that made it so great. The audience laughed at maybe two of his jokes and the rest of time looked like they wanted to slam their heads into a brick wall. Man, it was easily the most hilarious not-really-funny thing I've ever seen.
All these conservatives are now whining about Colbert being too mean and over the line. Hey guys, he has a show on every night at 11:30 on Comedy Central, ever heard of it? Yeah, he pretends to love the president, but it's bitter, it's harsh and he was at his best at the dinner. Really, what the hell were you expecting? That's like inviting a pedophile to be the clown at a kid's birthday party. You're just asking for it. There's a video of it here, http://www.crooksandliars.com/2006/04/29.html#a8104
I read an article in GQ a while ago about how guys usually end up with pretty much the same group of friends they made in HS and college for the rest of their lives, mainly because guys don't know how to act in socially acceptable friendly ways with each other. And there's some real truth in that. I've been out plenty of times where I've met a guy thinking, I'd love to hang out with this dude. But there's some kind of homophobic gene in every guy that makes even the seemingly harmless, "Hey man, want to grab a beer sometime?" sound like "Hey man, want to grab on my nuts sometime, ooh, I'm so gay." It seems like basically unless you meet other guys at work or something, there's no way to get around that flaw in our human nature. I really don't know what the solution is, unless you actually go gay, and despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary, I'm not ready to go down that path.
I brought my car into the shop last week because my brakes no longer worked. I'm not even joking, my stopping distance was up to about 2 miles. It wasn't an quick job apparently and I kind of needed to get to work. A lady who was there for an oil change offered to drive me to work and that right there is another thing I'll miss about Richmond, besides the Paper Moon and Phillip Morris. Fuck, you go to a mechanic in NY, I don't care if your wife is about to deliver 15 kids out of her ass, no one is driving you anywhere. So I took this lady up on her offer. And yes, I did perform road head as a thank you, hmm is it still called that on a girl? Maybe road muff? Or road tuna?
I almost punched through a wall today while I was playing blackjack for these stupid bonuses. What a frustrating game. At least in poker, if I lose, I almost always know what I did wrong and can fix it. With blackjack, there is no skill, you just sit back and watch your money disappear. And then you cry. I guess I can't complain since I didn't lose any of my own money, just the bonus, but I'm suprised the neighbors didnt call the cops when I was running around screaming at 11 am. Please contact me immediately if you know of any good doctors.
London on Saturday, I probably won't update this bitch again until I get back, so suck it up and find some other terrible blogs to read in the meantime.