Ah, Gary, that smells awful! Now I'm gonna throw up!

Here's the photo I've been sending in to apply for Korea jobs. It's only funny because I'm not wearing any pants and I'm pretty sure my right hand is tickling my balls.
The ride home was as smooth as my taint. For the first 213 miles. That's when karma decided to step in and shove a bat up my ass. A couple exits up on the NJ turnpike, a wheel on my car locked up sending the shitmobile into a wild swerve, which is always thrilling when you're cruising along at 80. I managed to pull over without killing myself and after waiting an hour on the shoulder in the 100 degree heat, the tow arrives. Ten minutes later, I'm five miles further on the turnpike and back on the shoulder. This time with the tow truck driver. The tow truck got a flat tire. That's right. A tow truck had to come and tow my car along with the other tow truck. It was pretty fuckin surreal. I came pretty close to running into the middle of the turnpike and ending the day, and my life, a bit early. Ended up getting a room at the econo lodge for the night and i found a bar down the road where I drank until I thought I knew where I was again. That was actually quite enjoyable. Alright, no one gives a shit about this. So car got fixed the next day, I drove home, of course after spending an hour in standstill traffic after the goethals was closed because of an accident. that bridge is such garbage. the two lanes are about as wide as an anoxeric slut and they werent even paved that day. Yeah, no shit, there's an accident? Whoever was involved in that crash should sue the state for being such a fuckin moron.
I sold my mattress on craigs list for $75 and then ended up giving this girl my TV and some furniture since there was no way I was fitting anything else into that car. The girl's sister or cousin of whoever was the biggest butch lesbian I've ever seen. God, the mustache on this chick beast. It was pretty sad when we carried the mattress out to the car and it was very clear that I was the one struggling to keep the thing off the ground. She could have swallowed me.
The Korea recruiter seems to be making progress and things should begin to proceed rapidly on that front. Might be able to get into the same school as Bender and if not, at least be in schools in the same area. Right now, home is still a novelty and I'm content with playing video games and eating taco bell 3 meals a day, but that will get old fast. Second thought, that will never get old and I could easily do that forever and I would if society didn't look down on people like me. And that's why I must leave and pretend for a year that I'm a somewhat decent person who likes to live and do things.
There was almost the brawl of the century at daves house the other night. Late night at this block party, we set up the pong table out in the road. As we're finishing up a game, a bunch of douches come along and call next game. Just to be friendly Dave lets them on. It was fine for a few minutes. But then I went to take a leak and when i returned, this huge meathead with a 1.5 inch cock was going off on dave. he kept yelling i'm going to fuck you in the ass. I was thinking about telling him that's not exactly how you fight people, generally that's called gay sex and takes place between two men who love each other dearly. Yeah, didn't tell him that. Turns out this cockbag had been putting the pong balls in his mouth and Dave asked him to stop doing that, which of course, was a totally unreasonable request. luckily this guy's buddies held him back and tackled him, but that was after he flipped over the pong table sending beer cans everywhere. at that point we went inside and dave plotted how to destroy all of east islip.
montreal is on the agenda for this weekend. i've never been there but sean promises that there will be girls who will show things that i want to see.
yeah, it's definitely time for taco bell, hopefully it won't be a repeat of saturday night when daves special medicine caused me to order 400 tacos.
Peace bitches.