Can you lick your own NIPPLES?

Ah, I miss my that old aluminum foil penis I used to have. It was so shiny. Too bad I got it caught in a fence in '03. That was messy.
I took off from work today following a brutal weekend of sitting on my couch. I still have three sick days to use up before I quit next month, but there's no way I'll use them all. I really only work two days a week and even my moral conscience will kick in if I screw over the H-P anymore than I already do.
I had to sit through four high school graduations on Saturday, which was great fun. Of course, by great fun, I do mean I would have rather taken part in a giant homosexual gangbang than listen to 30 speakers talk about not wasting opportunities and making most of the future. That kind of verbal vomit, combined with being surrounded by hundreds of young girls, of whom I am now old enough to be their father, was not a pleasant experience.
I saw a car today with the license plate "UR NBRED". Pretty funny, but also quite an emotional event for me considering my mangina is now stuffed in an envelope heading back to the DMV. Actually, half of my mangina is still on my car, as I can't find a screwdriver to get the rear plate off. If I get pulled over, I think I'm pretty much fucked at this point. My mangina is no longer recognized in the state of Virginia.
I have an interview with a recruiting agency on Wednesday, which I'm sure will be incredibly easy. Then hopefully they'll find me a job in Seoul. These recruiters get ripped apart in all these discussion forums, but the way I see it, I'm looking for a job in the city that pays two grand a month, so if these shady characters want to go out and find that for me, whatever, makes my life easier.
I read somewhere today that online gambling is banned in Thailand with the government blocking out all of the sites. Man, I would have cried if I paid all that money to get to Bangkok, hooked up my computer and then found out Party Poker was shut down. So, lets just say I'm pretty fuckin glad I've settled on South Korea now, where from what I can tell, I'll be free to continue raping online casinos.
I miss Jack Bauer.