Fuck Korea

Ahh the blog, oh how i've missed you. No, not really. I'm just bored. I kept telling myself I'd update this bitch when I signed a job contract for Korea, but then, that kept not happening. And yeah, it's still yet to happen. Things have not gone as smoothly as planned, but I guess I should have expected this. Deciding to teach in Korea apparently is the dumbest decision I've made since that time I tied that rope around my neck and put a lime in my mouth. Really I'm still totally committed to going, but it's been nowhere as easy as I thought it would be. I've sent out 6000 resumes and photos and even gayass cover letters. Koreans call me every night, which will make for a great time when that phone bill arrives. I've gotten job offers, but something always kills the deal, whether it be a moron recruiter or a school sending me a contract that looks like a death certificate. I'm sick of these damn interviews, the get to know you ones, that I have to deal with all the time from these recruiters. So, are you good with kids? Do you like kids? Alright douche, I'm applying for a TEACHING job, obviously I enjoy being around kids. Each one of those stupid questions costs me a good buck. A lot of times people call and I either can't understand them or I have no idea where they are from. Last night a lady asked me the dumb questions and then was basically like, do you want the job? Meanwhile, she hadn't told me anything about the job, you know, like where it is, how much it pays, minor fucking details. A few weeks at the end of convo with a school director, she said "have a good day" and then when she realized I was on the other side of the world, she said "sweet dreams." That was cute. I wonder if she's single.
It's been a frustrating experience all in all so far. I thought I'd be in Seoul by now, getting drunk before teaching and flooding young minds with foul English vocab. My best hope now is to probably get over there by mid-Sept. and even then, I'm going to need to sign a contract soon and get the visa process rolling. I'm still hopeful and although online gambling could sustain me for the next decade, I'm just about ready to be able to say I have a real life and a real profession besides dirty bonus whore.
Oh, and talk about getting rammed in the anus, Bender signed a contract with a school in Seoul a few weeks ago. He sent his stuff, including his original UR diploma, over to Korea and he thought he was just waiting for his plane ticket to get out of here this weekend. Then the recruiter emails him the other day and says basically, the teacher you were supposed to replace has decided to stay on for another year so you're completely fucked, sorry! I thought I was getting annoyed with everything, but really I couldn't blame Bender if he flew over to Seoul and slaughtered a few Koreans just for the hell out it.
I've actually been a lot busier at home than anticipated. I mean, I still sleep until 2 pm everyday and spend too much time on party poker, but for an old man, I've been pretty active. The week after I got home, I went to Montreal with Sean Bobby and Krystle. We stayed in separate hotels though, which was not cool, and we also walked too much. I prefer to sit for hours with the only motion taking place being the lifting of the beer bottle to my mouth. The first annual Out Games were held all over the city while we were there, so there were gay people everywhere. It worked out well because I was able to grope sean's ass and other people were just like, oh that's cool. We went to club super sex one night and watched girls, um, eat each other. It was really kind of disturbing. Bobby and Krystle went there by themselves another night, which was, romantic? Oh shit, I hope Sean's girlfriend doesn't read my blog. If so, Andrea, Sean was NOT at the strip club. Definitely not.
I've been into NYC like 6 times since I've gotten home. I'm pretty sure I'd been to the city about three times in my entire life before this summer. Got a chance to see a taping of the Letterman show a couple weeks ago. I just bullshitedly submitted a bunch of ticket requests for all the shows, Daily Show Conan, all that good stuff. By the way, bullshitedly, I really like that word. Anyway, a bitch from letterman called one day and said i had two tickets if i wanted them. i said yes and then she made me answer a trivia question to claim them, which was pretty gay. since i never watch letterman, i thought i was fucked, but the question, what kind of store does rupert gee own (a deli), happened to be the only letterman fun fact i know. so john and i went, of course we were the last ones to pick up the tickets to we sat in the back in different rows. The place was really small though so there weren't any bad seats. it was a pretty cool experience and i think i saw myself on tv for about a millioneth of a second. the only thing that pissed me off was that they edited out all the dumb shit hilary duff said. first she told letterman that she was taking online classes through harvard, and then five minutes later, she didn't know what standing water was. everyone in the audience laughed at her, which was awesome. i would have enjoyed seeing that on tv. and even though hilary duff is as dumb as a table, i'd still tie her up and force feed her peanuts.
I have to sell my car before I leave. God, I can't wait for that day when I rip off some Mexican. I think I can get a grand for it and then since the car is really worth negative money, I'm going to spend the profits on a new camera and a bunch of other shit I probably don't need.
I could probably write here for the next few hours, since I've got a month's worth of great material bottled up in my fat head, but that's gonna have to do it. I'm thinking of starting up a new blog once I get to Korea, you know, one that normal people can read, instead of just the usual sick perverts who visit this site. you know who you are. I've got a feeling a Korea blog will quickly devolve into nasty drivel within a few weeks, but I've got to give it a try, just for the sake of pretending I can be somewhat appropriate. COCK.